Welcome ... Back?

Hello everyone!

Wow, guys. It's been a super long time. Basically a month.

And I've missed blogging.

But, here's the time for the biggest reveal of EVER--Me:

(I'm the one on the left--the female)

Crazy to see the one behind this madness, huh? But, you may be wondering: "Who's that guy, Jenn?"

*ducks behind computer screen* Well, um, my boyfriend?

And I'm not posting this in a bragging way. It's only been two weeks, but this blog is about being a teenager--making it to college alive and going from there. Relationships matter in all that. But, that's just one reason I've been so busy. The others are:

• Homecoming! busiest week *ever*! I died last week and am still waiting to regain consciousness. 
• School. I honestly didn't think blogging and school would be that hard but--it is. It's extremely hard. I have a lot to tell you, though, I just need to get some things out. (thank you this post!) 
• Dance--well, that I quit, anyway. It made life suddenly very difficult, even with the happiness of a new relationship. I miss it. (this needs to be explained and will, for sure) 
• Home life--Mum and dad are now both working long hours and so I've taken cleaning under my wing--especially 'cause I have no dance classes to attend anymore. I am lucky enough, though, to have an 8-year-old Irish dancing student now, so cleaning the house for her visits make the ordeal worth it. 
• Devotions--I've taken to doing morning devotions every day but Sunday ('cause Church, and stuff), and it's been something I wanted to devote myself fully to. Thank you all for your patience as I've taken a brief hiatus from blogging and instead growing closer to God. (: 

And otherwise... My life is pretty much the same. Just some differences. Homecoming was a blast, I cannot wait to vlog about it, and life is going pretty smoothly. :) Thank you all so much for every bit of your patience and fidelity! I can't wait to elaborate on some of these topics. 

Also, big shout-out to Lauren, one of my blogging friends, who has recently had some trauma in her life. I've been praying and so have many others, and we wanted to all say we love you, chica. If you're reading this... we really have been praying hard. <3 

Cheers! 

Jenn

P.S. I've missed you all so much!!!

Out of Inspiration

Hi everyone!

Everywhere I look, there's something going on. Everywhere. And often times it's tough and difficult and crazy stuff, but some days it's easy and fun stuff. But no matter where I look, it feels so draining.

Myer Briggs is something I turn to often, but I'd like to talk about I's right now. ("I" is short for Introverted) So, if you don't know what Myer Briggs is, that's okay. If you understand what an Introvert is (someone who draws energy from being alone rather than in big groups), then you should be all set for this post.

Right Now: I'm watching Once Upon a Time on Netflix. I'm alone, it's 1:33 am and I'm waiting for my nails to dry. I went to go see a movie with my mom, and afterwards was shocked with an interesting question. I'm trying to figure out how to get everything done in my life. I'm thinking over my list: write more blog posts, figure out what I need to post about, edit my vlogs and post them, get my homework done and done well. Not to mention a million other social things.

And life, no matter how much more complex than that, can be draining. Which is why I wanted to make a post to try and help myself figure out a calming method for those weeks when you get no alone time. If you want to do this with me, please just take a moment and erase whatever is on your mind. Those problems will be there when you come back, but right now, just close your eyes and focus on you.

In Stargirl (Jerry Spinell), Stargirl takes a few moments in her life to go to a "special place", and then imagines herself being erased, and just becomes the world. In the same way, that's how Introverts can best gather energy. Being apart of the world, but not of it. Stop thinking about social issues or societies or whatever else *coughpubertycough* and just take in the earth as it spins. Relax. I love this concept, and wish I had used it more as I was growing up. Special Places are magical.

Now, this may seem self-centered to some of you--being focused on yourself (as a Christian girl) can seem wrong. I mean, we're supposed to focus on serving and being apart of the church and, I don't know, GOD. But I think my strongest argument is that if we don't take some time away from what makes us tired, we aren't doing our best job serving anyone. We're going to be stressed and strung out unless we take a moment from our day to refocus ourselves--to recharge and relax.

Recently, with school and social stuff, I've just been feeling drained. And forgetting about errands I had to do tomorrow, I totally committed to something and now feel even more tired just thinking about it (ahhhhh how horrible of me). So, I think I'll be taking some time to meditate and relax and recharge.

Because I know a lot of my fellow blog ladies are going through some really tough times, just know that I love you. <3 I hope you all recharge and refocus yourselves, even just for a moment. It gets better from here.

Cheers!
Jenn

The PMDD Pledge

Hi everyone!

Okay, so, meds are awesome and I'm so grateful I'm on them. But to think that they'd fix everything and make me happier is stupid--and unrealistic. (maybe foolish is a better word?) I recently started researching on actual ladies with PMDD and how their medications have been working. Apparently, things will slip through. There hasn't been one that said: "And the anxiety and dysphoria never returned, the end." Instead, the anxiety attacks are shorter and easier to get out of. They get better--but still not perfect. And being that school is my trigger, this is still a problem.

Anyway, I've decided to make myself recite something every morning to make sure I overcome this. This post is so on the head of what PMDD is like--there's no hope sometimes. There's not light, and having come so many years forcing others--and myself--to go through the mood swings, violence, and generally feeling of confusion--I've lost so many friends, and even at one point, my family, to it. It terrifies me to go out and meet new people, because unless they're willing to sit down and learn that I have no faith in myself, it's useless. We will end up not being friends--breaking up or however you'd like to put it.

But that ends here.

I say this with as much confidence as I can--it's a scary thing. I know some days I'll lose control. Some days I'll want to burn down bridges and cry until the world fades out. But when it isn't that day, and when I can have total faith in myself, I will have faith in myself. I will believe in myself. If it kills me. (this page has provided me some laughter [it's on Facebook])

(down below is a revised version of this one over on Stranger--and Stranger's is way more applicable than mine!)

The PMDD Pledge

1. You are the leader of your life! Your illness is not.

2. It doesn't matter what other people do OR think. Smile, laugh, be nice to them, and surround yourself with people who love you despite being insane.

3. You are going to become someone who doesn't always suffer from insanity!

~Life is in session~

Cheers!
Jenn

Closure to One Story

Hi everyone!

Before I get into my actual post: 1. Neglect. I'm so incredibly sorry, for somewhat poor content and for not keeping up. What am I turning into?! 2. Guys I got a homecoming date!!! Until a few days after the dance, I'll be post-pone-ing the launch of my vlog. Good news? I've already got some edited and ready. I'll just be waiting until the end of September. Please keep in mind that most of them will be rambling. Sorta. Hope you all enjoy them, though. We'll see~

Okay, so, onto the next thing.

Recently, I made this post about a girl in my blacksmithing class who didn't get along with me before. Our "breakup" was one of the most awkward and awful there had ever been. PMDD played a huge hand in it--and that was the start of me wondering what was wrong with me. It was hard getting through that, getting through any of it. No matter what I would like to believe, she was one of my best friends then, and it was pretty cruel what we had done to each other.

Anyway, so, we have one trip to blacksmithing where I was avoiding someone in my class. (is that also mean? It's just temporary--maybe I'll explain it some day, but it's not a huge deal and I'm not mad at him) This girl offered to give me a ride then, which I thought was really nice and--considering the circumstances--rather her than the other person. So I hopped in with her and we went on over.

It was awkward for a bit, but the ride isn't too long. It was on the way back that our conversation turned towards forgiveness and what had happened. I won't be posting it, because that's a huge, personal thing, but it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. I think we came from it with understanding, and we're on speaking terms again--which is pretty fantastic. I mean, I don't think we should be friends again. Trust was broken, I'm still mentally insane, and I wouldn't fit into her friend groups at all. But at the same time, it's nicer knowing that I don't have to worry about her--or that problem--anymore. I'm okay. It's okay. It will be okay.

And that is one of the most refreshing things I could ever imagine.

So, thank you for all of your prayers. I'm so grateful for this closure, and I'm relieved it did happen. Makes it better and just kinda work out a bit more. If anything, it just seems to push the idea of being nice to everyone--even if it kills. Because things happen, people change, and sometimes it's just easier letting things go.

Thank you all so, so much. I'm officially super-duper excited for homecoming, so prepare for some posts about that (but all you homeschooled chicas--you're missing out on *nothing*, I promise!!!)

Preview of my shovel! And that girl in this post actually
had a huge hand in making this. Props to her! 

Cheers!
Jenn

The Berlin Wall: an Inspiration

Hi everyone!

I've decided to start working on a story again... only it's a lot deeper than I thought it would be like. It's inspired by this song. The song is thought to be about the Wall of Berlin.

I just did some research (links at the bottom, as always!), and here's what I understand. If you have any cool or interesting facts on it, please post them in the comments! I love to hear voices on topics like this. :3

***NOTE: This will be humourous because it IS an extremely dark topic and I don't want this to be too depressing. Please understand that I know it was a really dark and scary time, and you should too. Which is why I'm putting resources at the bottom so you can learn more about the Wall of Berlin and other important events during the time. Thank you!***

First, it actually goes all the way back to World War II (the end of it). At the YALTA meeting (leaders of the US, England, and the USSR [current-day Russia] got together and discussed the fate of Germany), it was decided that Berlin would be split in two. The Allies got the Western half and the USSR got the Eastern half. Germany itself was also split between the Allies and the USSR, but Berlin resided in the USSR's portion. After a while, this got tiring for the USSR, so in 1948, they slipped on their sass-pants and refused to let the Allies bring food to West Berlin. Well, not to be out-done, the Allies snapped their sassy fingers and started dropping cargo onto West Berlin full of food and supplies. This was called the Berlin Airlift, and was dangerous. Planes got shot down. People died.

Then the Cold War started, and it got extremely rough in 1961. Many people fled East Berlin and ran to the West, fleeing from the tensions and to a--hopefully--better future. On August 12 of 1961, nearly 2,400 people fled East Berlin (that's on one day!!!). That night, the leaders decided to stop the immigration by closing their borders forever. After the wall went up, it was extremely rare for any people to get past the wall. Common people weren't allowed, and people in positions of authority were heavily screened.

The Wall was makeshift for a while, with escapees still getting through. When building a better wall, they made it four-feet wide, twelve feet high, and put a pipe on the top of it to stop anyone from getting over it. Not to mention the tortures before the wall--vicious dogs, trip-wired machine guns, flood-lights, soft sand, and patrol guards that shot escapees on-sight. Sounds like a walk in the park, eh? People did escape, though, in clever ways. (I highly suggest you read the resources, they are AMAZINGLY creative ways!)

On November 9 of 1989, a spokesperson from East Berlin announced that all people would be allowed to cross into West Berlin freely. People went to the wall and chipped pieces off, and celebrated the fact that they would be reunited with their other half--something so incredibly beautiful, I can't even imagine what it would've been like. :3

Of course, this is really just the tip of the iceberg. There was a lot that went into the Berlin Wall at the end--but how long it lasted and what era it went into is frightening. It just shows how wrong the world is, how it really isn't a beautiful place. One of the leaders who organized the wall's building (it was rebuilt three times) confessed that it was wrong and a horrific idea to keep people from leaving a country--something that many thought would be understood after Hitler's example. But, it wasn't like that.

Anyway, this story is one I'm fairly excited about. It will have the same concept--only, instead, a country divided in half. The Main Character (MC) will be a cousin of the Queen. I'll show ya'll how that'll map out.

I'll be posting a new chapter the last day of every month. :3 Hope some of you... one of you... will read it. Stay tuned!

Cheers!
Jenn

Photo credit: prlog.org

The Berlin Wall (history.com)
Romanov's Murder and the Berlin Wall
Walled In! Germany's Inner Boarder (youtube)
The History of the Berlin Wall (youtube)
Berlin Wall Deaths (youtube)