Negative Side Effects of being INTJ

Hi everyone!

Ugh, another sad post?

Well... no? See, I've talked a lot about the good things about being INTJ. But not any of the bad things--the things that make us social outcasts. Now, that may seem harsh at first, but--seriously. Have you seen any super-amazing-totally-social INTJ's ever? Why do you think we lurk on internet chat-rooms? 

Answer: Because we are social outcasts. And most of it is our fault.

That's right--all our own. No one to blame but our parents, who made us, and sin. (which makes me wonder if there is a "perfect type"...) Anyway, one of these traits happens to be something I've been dealing with for over a year. And it sucks. But it wouldn't suck if I was a different type--it might be worse, it might be better, but for right now, all I know is that all INTJ's suffer from this horrible, terrible side effect. And what is it?

We're so gosh-darn sensitive about rejection.

And I know what you're thinking. "Wait a minute, Jenn, you just were saying how INTJ's don't care about what people think--they do their own thing, regardless!"

Well...

"That is one of the most contradicting statements I've ever heard! Why are you talking to yourself? UGH! Now you look crazy even on your blog! You're never going out in public again!"

Thanks? Anyway, it kinda makes sense.

INTJ's have been dubbed "robots." And with good reasoning--we don't like to show emotions to anyone, ever. When we do, it's an absolute sign of trust. It's the greatest gift we could possibly show you--the "seal" of the relationship, in a way. And if we're willing to put up with your stupid, emotional human-ness to the point of giving away our trust--we're willing to go to Hell and back with you (ah, pardon my language, but I'm talking literal here).

But beside being robots, I don't mean that we want to be accepted by everyone. There are quite a few relationships that have ended that I didn't mourn over at all. I hate how cruel that sounds, but it's like a light-switch--once we've decided that it needs to end, the flip switches, and BAM! it's over. No biggie. But to someone who means a lot to us--a peer of the same intellect, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a best friend--it crushes us. Maybe we didn't show emotion to them at all, but it goes against our logic. The logic is mathematical, and everyone uses different steps to get there, but it says:

"You can trust them."

We wouldn't befriend you if you weren't worth the risk. And if you do break our trust or shut us down--no matter how, or why, it kills. It kills because you defied our logic, you proved illogical, and you became colder than we are in the process. Because of the pre-assessed logic, it does take us a while to come off of that and away, moving onward towards different people. And usually, INTJ's are understanding when it comes to having things explained to them. Myself, I would never hate a person until they explained what happened. But if you don't explain well, or I found out you lied--nope. It's over, and it hurts.

And I just don't know how to explain how or why. It's so human. When you're working on suppressing emotions 24/7, sometimes when they're let out, they really throw you off course. Happiness, joy, sadness, anger, depression--all the emotions there could be; all of them throw me off. I don't understand them.

And being a robot may be awesome most of the time. But when rejected by all of your peers (and right now, my mother, who was supposed to call three hours ago), life just kinda sucks.

I hope this wasn't too long. And I hope you learned how to better care for your INTJ. If they're standing on the side of the room, looking sad, lost, lonely, or spacey, go talk to them. They probably would love you forever, and you might have found a new friend. Sometimes we need that push, and then we're good. (:

Cheers!
Jenn