Sometimes, We Just Need a Little Love...

Today my sister had to buy a new dress for a youth convention she's going to. She's a little self-conscious because she's not... skinny. In fact, she's kinda big--especially for her age. It isn't her fault, either! I was big, and my brother was big all while we were growing up. It's on of those "just happens" things. But, she bought a dress without my mom or I looking at it, and when we got home and she put it on for my mom... well, things got messy.

See, a few years ago (okay, one year ago), I had some weight issues myself. I wasn't the skinniest, and being a dancer, I was having an especially hard time (42 inches around... certainly not proud). Puberty had hit me hard, and Mom made it apparent that she didn't approve of my weight gain. I've always been uber conscious of my body, too, so her words didn't affect me in a good way.
Mom nit-picked my weight constantly for about five years. The fifth year, though, had some major trials in it that caused me to lose weight and gain self-confidence (as well as a new jean size!). And once that happened, she stopped picking on me. I've been a constant (well, constant for girls) weight since.

But, sadly, my sister hasn't been through something like that. And right now, she's a bit young and doesn't know how to deal with these problems--not to mention that puberty hit her just as hard as it hit me. And sometimes, mom can be really cruel towards us about weight--apparently, as well, some moms have been making comments about my sister. Which just makes me angry, especially when my sister is still learning. If you're not going to help her, you just shouldn't mention it. The end.

This does happen though, and when it does, I get to hear all about it. Screaming, yelling, mom telling her to stop eating junk food and grow up--just as it was for me when I was younger. But this time, Lord willing, I have a voice that will be heard. I will help the two in this house make a good middle, because I will not tolerate the screaming any longer. So, when my sister's dress didn't fit and my mom's criticisms came along, I did as well.

Of course, I don't know if I did it well enough. I told my mom to stop being so cruel about it with my sister--it wasn't my sister's fault. She is self-conscious, she's probably embarrassed of her size. But that's part of being a teenager, that's part of growing up--learning to manage it. And while screaming can help one person, that person wouldn't be my sister in this case. But this conversation with my mom actually went over well--somewhere, these fantastic valid points spilled out of my mouth and she was silenced after a few back-and-forths. I still understand her points, though, and understood that my work wasn't done.

I then went to my sister, who was looking distressed. She greeted me telling me that mom didn't care, that she was tired of it--so much like me from before. I understood it completely, and knew the typical "you're fat, stop eating junk food!" approach would only kill her spirits more. So, I took the dress and did what I do best--made fashion advice into the saving words my mom need her to hear. Quickly, I made points about it--how it was too tight in one place, how it wasn't long enough to sit well on her torso and only brought attention to the wrong places. When she had tried it on, I did notice that the sleeves seemed a bit loose--probably because it was too tight around the torso and was sitting awkwardly--and made it a point to tell her that if she got the bigger size and the sleeves we still too long, I could take them in a bit easily, and it would be no problem. And with that, my sister actually compromised and said she would exchange it for a better fitting dress. These sister bonding times rarely happen, and was a bit odd.

Crisis averted.

And while I don't want to be the one always there, shopping with my sister, I don't want to deal with hearing them bicker on a daily basis. And if sparing some of my unused time to take care of my sister is what I need to do, then so be it. I'm glad I'm learning how to handle this, however hard it may be. But for now...

We'll be okay.