Domain Name Change!

Hi everyone!

Finally, it's time.

After months of pondering my baby blog's name, I've changed it to The Sea Cow Diaries. Explanation to come soon!

Cheers!
Jenn

NaNo 2013: Stressed?

Hi everyone!

Ah, let's talk about something that starts in five days: National Novel Writing Month, aka, NaNoWriMo. It's where you sit down and write 50K words in one month, a novel. It doesn't sound like fun this year, and let me elaborate, if I may.

First, it's going to be a lot of work. With my current relationship and other friendships, this will be a lot of work in general. Socially, I might just tell everyone "good-bye" for the month, only, I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that. Any other NaNoers have any suggestions?

Second, I'm the president of a book club! I know, super exciting, right? I started with along with a Freshman in my high school, and the first meeting was last Friday! So, I'd say that things are going pretty smoothly. I'll be posting on it as time goes by, expanding my hobbies and stuff. Because only true leaders should write blogs and blah blah blah.

Third, I am going to a HOBY convention in TEN DAYS! Oh my cows, where has the time gone? I need clothes and sweaters and shirts and to look professional and goodness this is going to be a lot of work! But while I'm there I'll learn a lot about how to be a leader, what to think about being a leader, how to act out leading--and a lot of this stuff can help with the book club! So, yay conventions!

Fourth, I am a tree nymph in my town's production of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Pretty exciting, eh? I'm very hyped about this and it should be a lot of fun! I cannot wait to get rolling, and just a little less than a month before opening night--and I haven't rehearsed at all! Scary, right? Well, no. Well, we'll see. I'm kinda nervous due to my lack of practicing, but it shouldn't be too hard, yes? YES.

Fifth, NANOWRIMO. Can I just voice how absolutely terrified I am for this? Yes? Alright: I am HORRIFIED FOR NANO. I don't even know if I can do it! But I will try, and I will vlog every day that I can for NaNo (not the convention days, though, sorry!). I know this blog has been lacking and will continue to lack, but I will be making video content for sure. So, hopefully this works out okay. :)

Anyway, five major huge stressors and we're not even talking about blacksmithing yet! That'll be so much fun, I can't wait to introduce you all to it. Haha. Hahahahaha.

But prayer request: There's something a bit odd with my body right now, and I'd love to have some supportive prayers. <3 I can't elaborate, but it's freaking me out and I'm finding it hard to trust God in the moment.

Cheers!
Jenn

Are you participating in NaNoWriMo? What are your biggest stresses right now? How do you relieve them? If you could give one piece of general advice to the first person that comes to your mind, what would it be? 

Let's Talk: Saying Goodbye to Ballet

Hi everyone!

This post is going to be... erm, difficult for me. And for reasons that hopefully can be understood. Because right now, we're going to talk about why I had to say goodbye to my first passion, ballet. It wasn't a guy, it wasn't an obsession, it was a passion. It was something that was supposed to give me a future. A life.

But not anymore.

I started heavily thinking about quitting in 2012. It was late in the year, I had just started pointe, I was happy with my dancing but not with my body. In fact, it became hard to deal with my body looking so... awkward. I didn't look pretty en pointe. I looked weird. Stocky, heavy, even when I was fully lifted. I couldn't close first position because my calf muscles were too big. I started missing Irish dancing--not because it was better, but because I was better built for it. Ballet was something amazing, but Irish dancing was more fitting for me.

And then I danced in a showcase in May 2013. It was a fundraiser for school, and I did a more jazzy routine. I thought it looked okay. But after having my mom video tape it, I thought something different. The technique, positions, everything was on--but it still looked awkward. I cried that night harder than any other time I had ever cried. It was like being put through a breakup... because my passion couldn't take it.

It wasn't until this past July that I went back. I was determined to get better, to start running, to stop eating so much, to become skinnier and get rid of my bulky muscles forever. But then, something else ended up stopping me, and killing my career: Achilles tendonitis.

It was only after three weeks of being back at ballet that I started having a hard time walking. The bottoms of my heels hurt, my calves hurt, and my Achilles couldn't bear to be stretched. Something was wrong, and after talking to both my mom and my dance teacher, we made the hardest decision I've ever had to make: I quit dance.

I don't think the impact of it has hit yet. I still think about going back, about barre, about everything. But it's already October and my Achilles are still incredibly sensitive, and I often have to take it easy. Irish dancing has been cut back, any dancing has to be limited to twenty or so minutes--it's the cruelest trick of fate there ever was.

And now the hardest part is replacing that hobby with something else. I'm back to blogging, writing, researching, focusing on this new relationship, and hopefully am going to find something. Something to replace that passion. It's a hard road, but this blog'll probably get a lot more interesting. (:

Cheers!
Jenn

Welcome ... Back?

Hello everyone!

Wow, guys. It's been a super long time. Basically a month.

And I've missed blogging.

But, here's the time for the biggest reveal of EVER--Me:

(I'm the one on the left--the female)

Crazy to see the one behind this madness, huh? But, you may be wondering: "Who's that guy, Jenn?"

*ducks behind computer screen* Well, um, my boyfriend?

And I'm not posting this in a bragging way. It's only been two weeks, but this blog is about being a teenager--making it to college alive and going from there. Relationships matter in all that. But, that's just one reason I've been so busy. The others are:

• Homecoming! busiest week *ever*! I died last week and am still waiting to regain consciousness. 
• School. I honestly didn't think blogging and school would be that hard but--it is. It's extremely hard. I have a lot to tell you, though, I just need to get some things out. (thank you this post!) 
• Dance--well, that I quit, anyway. It made life suddenly very difficult, even with the happiness of a new relationship. I miss it. (this needs to be explained and will, for sure) 
• Home life--Mum and dad are now both working long hours and so I've taken cleaning under my wing--especially 'cause I have no dance classes to attend anymore. I am lucky enough, though, to have an 8-year-old Irish dancing student now, so cleaning the house for her visits make the ordeal worth it. 
• Devotions--I've taken to doing morning devotions every day but Sunday ('cause Church, and stuff), and it's been something I wanted to devote myself fully to. Thank you all for your patience as I've taken a brief hiatus from blogging and instead growing closer to God. (: 

And otherwise... My life is pretty much the same. Just some differences. Homecoming was a blast, I cannot wait to vlog about it, and life is going pretty smoothly. :) Thank you all so much for every bit of your patience and fidelity! I can't wait to elaborate on some of these topics. 

Also, big shout-out to Lauren, one of my blogging friends, who has recently had some trauma in her life. I've been praying and so have many others, and we wanted to all say we love you, chica. If you're reading this... we really have been praying hard. <3 

Cheers! 

Jenn

P.S. I've missed you all so much!!!

Out of Inspiration

Hi everyone!

Everywhere I look, there's something going on. Everywhere. And often times it's tough and difficult and crazy stuff, but some days it's easy and fun stuff. But no matter where I look, it feels so draining.

Myer Briggs is something I turn to often, but I'd like to talk about I's right now. ("I" is short for Introverted) So, if you don't know what Myer Briggs is, that's okay. If you understand what an Introvert is (someone who draws energy from being alone rather than in big groups), then you should be all set for this post.

Right Now: I'm watching Once Upon a Time on Netflix. I'm alone, it's 1:33 am and I'm waiting for my nails to dry. I went to go see a movie with my mom, and afterwards was shocked with an interesting question. I'm trying to figure out how to get everything done in my life. I'm thinking over my list: write more blog posts, figure out what I need to post about, edit my vlogs and post them, get my homework done and done well. Not to mention a million other social things.

And life, no matter how much more complex than that, can be draining. Which is why I wanted to make a post to try and help myself figure out a calming method for those weeks when you get no alone time. If you want to do this with me, please just take a moment and erase whatever is on your mind. Those problems will be there when you come back, but right now, just close your eyes and focus on you.

In Stargirl (Jerry Spinell), Stargirl takes a few moments in her life to go to a "special place", and then imagines herself being erased, and just becomes the world. In the same way, that's how Introverts can best gather energy. Being apart of the world, but not of it. Stop thinking about social issues or societies or whatever else *coughpubertycough* and just take in the earth as it spins. Relax. I love this concept, and wish I had used it more as I was growing up. Special Places are magical.

Now, this may seem self-centered to some of you--being focused on yourself (as a Christian girl) can seem wrong. I mean, we're supposed to focus on serving and being apart of the church and, I don't know, GOD. But I think my strongest argument is that if we don't take some time away from what makes us tired, we aren't doing our best job serving anyone. We're going to be stressed and strung out unless we take a moment from our day to refocus ourselves--to recharge and relax.

Recently, with school and social stuff, I've just been feeling drained. And forgetting about errands I had to do tomorrow, I totally committed to something and now feel even more tired just thinking about it (ahhhhh how horrible of me). So, I think I'll be taking some time to meditate and relax and recharge.

Because I know a lot of my fellow blog ladies are going through some really tough times, just know that I love you. <3 I hope you all recharge and refocus yourselves, even just for a moment. It gets better from here.

Cheers!
Jenn

The PMDD Pledge

Hi everyone!

Okay, so, meds are awesome and I'm so grateful I'm on them. But to think that they'd fix everything and make me happier is stupid--and unrealistic. (maybe foolish is a better word?) I recently started researching on actual ladies with PMDD and how their medications have been working. Apparently, things will slip through. There hasn't been one that said: "And the anxiety and dysphoria never returned, the end." Instead, the anxiety attacks are shorter and easier to get out of. They get better--but still not perfect. And being that school is my trigger, this is still a problem.

Anyway, I've decided to make myself recite something every morning to make sure I overcome this. This post is so on the head of what PMDD is like--there's no hope sometimes. There's not light, and having come so many years forcing others--and myself--to go through the mood swings, violence, and generally feeling of confusion--I've lost so many friends, and even at one point, my family, to it. It terrifies me to go out and meet new people, because unless they're willing to sit down and learn that I have no faith in myself, it's useless. We will end up not being friends--breaking up or however you'd like to put it.

But that ends here.

I say this with as much confidence as I can--it's a scary thing. I know some days I'll lose control. Some days I'll want to burn down bridges and cry until the world fades out. But when it isn't that day, and when I can have total faith in myself, I will have faith in myself. I will believe in myself. If it kills me. (this page has provided me some laughter [it's on Facebook])

(down below is a revised version of this one over on Stranger--and Stranger's is way more applicable than mine!)

The PMDD Pledge

1. You are the leader of your life! Your illness is not.

2. It doesn't matter what other people do OR think. Smile, laugh, be nice to them, and surround yourself with people who love you despite being insane.

3. You are going to become someone who doesn't always suffer from insanity!

~Life is in session~

Cheers!
Jenn

Closure to One Story

Hi everyone!

Before I get into my actual post: 1. Neglect. I'm so incredibly sorry, for somewhat poor content and for not keeping up. What am I turning into?! 2. Guys I got a homecoming date!!! Until a few days after the dance, I'll be post-pone-ing the launch of my vlog. Good news? I've already got some edited and ready. I'll just be waiting until the end of September. Please keep in mind that most of them will be rambling. Sorta. Hope you all enjoy them, though. We'll see~

Okay, so, onto the next thing.

Recently, I made this post about a girl in my blacksmithing class who didn't get along with me before. Our "breakup" was one of the most awkward and awful there had ever been. PMDD played a huge hand in it--and that was the start of me wondering what was wrong with me. It was hard getting through that, getting through any of it. No matter what I would like to believe, she was one of my best friends then, and it was pretty cruel what we had done to each other.

Anyway, so, we have one trip to blacksmithing where I was avoiding someone in my class. (is that also mean? It's just temporary--maybe I'll explain it some day, but it's not a huge deal and I'm not mad at him) This girl offered to give me a ride then, which I thought was really nice and--considering the circumstances--rather her than the other person. So I hopped in with her and we went on over.

It was awkward for a bit, but the ride isn't too long. It was on the way back that our conversation turned towards forgiveness and what had happened. I won't be posting it, because that's a huge, personal thing, but it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. I think we came from it with understanding, and we're on speaking terms again--which is pretty fantastic. I mean, I don't think we should be friends again. Trust was broken, I'm still mentally insane, and I wouldn't fit into her friend groups at all. But at the same time, it's nicer knowing that I don't have to worry about her--or that problem--anymore. I'm okay. It's okay. It will be okay.

And that is one of the most refreshing things I could ever imagine.

So, thank you for all of your prayers. I'm so grateful for this closure, and I'm relieved it did happen. Makes it better and just kinda work out a bit more. If anything, it just seems to push the idea of being nice to everyone--even if it kills. Because things happen, people change, and sometimes it's just easier letting things go.

Thank you all so, so much. I'm officially super-duper excited for homecoming, so prepare for some posts about that (but all you homeschooled chicas--you're missing out on *nothing*, I promise!!!)

Preview of my shovel! And that girl in this post actually
had a huge hand in making this. Props to her! 

Cheers!
Jenn

The Berlin Wall: an Inspiration

Hi everyone!

I've decided to start working on a story again... only it's a lot deeper than I thought it would be like. It's inspired by this song. The song is thought to be about the Wall of Berlin.

I just did some research (links at the bottom, as always!), and here's what I understand. If you have any cool or interesting facts on it, please post them in the comments! I love to hear voices on topics like this. :3

***NOTE: This will be humourous because it IS an extremely dark topic and I don't want this to be too depressing. Please understand that I know it was a really dark and scary time, and you should too. Which is why I'm putting resources at the bottom so you can learn more about the Wall of Berlin and other important events during the time. Thank you!***

First, it actually goes all the way back to World War II (the end of it). At the YALTA meeting (leaders of the US, England, and the USSR [current-day Russia] got together and discussed the fate of Germany), it was decided that Berlin would be split in two. The Allies got the Western half and the USSR got the Eastern half. Germany itself was also split between the Allies and the USSR, but Berlin resided in the USSR's portion. After a while, this got tiring for the USSR, so in 1948, they slipped on their sass-pants and refused to let the Allies bring food to West Berlin. Well, not to be out-done, the Allies snapped their sassy fingers and started dropping cargo onto West Berlin full of food and supplies. This was called the Berlin Airlift, and was dangerous. Planes got shot down. People died.

Then the Cold War started, and it got extremely rough in 1961. Many people fled East Berlin and ran to the West, fleeing from the tensions and to a--hopefully--better future. On August 12 of 1961, nearly 2,400 people fled East Berlin (that's on one day!!!). That night, the leaders decided to stop the immigration by closing their borders forever. After the wall went up, it was extremely rare for any people to get past the wall. Common people weren't allowed, and people in positions of authority were heavily screened.

The Wall was makeshift for a while, with escapees still getting through. When building a better wall, they made it four-feet wide, twelve feet high, and put a pipe on the top of it to stop anyone from getting over it. Not to mention the tortures before the wall--vicious dogs, trip-wired machine guns, flood-lights, soft sand, and patrol guards that shot escapees on-sight. Sounds like a walk in the park, eh? People did escape, though, in clever ways. (I highly suggest you read the resources, they are AMAZINGLY creative ways!)

On November 9 of 1989, a spokesperson from East Berlin announced that all people would be allowed to cross into West Berlin freely. People went to the wall and chipped pieces off, and celebrated the fact that they would be reunited with their other half--something so incredibly beautiful, I can't even imagine what it would've been like. :3

Of course, this is really just the tip of the iceberg. There was a lot that went into the Berlin Wall at the end--but how long it lasted and what era it went into is frightening. It just shows how wrong the world is, how it really isn't a beautiful place. One of the leaders who organized the wall's building (it was rebuilt three times) confessed that it was wrong and a horrific idea to keep people from leaving a country--something that many thought would be understood after Hitler's example. But, it wasn't like that.

Anyway, this story is one I'm fairly excited about. It will have the same concept--only, instead, a country divided in half. The Main Character (MC) will be a cousin of the Queen. I'll show ya'll how that'll map out.

I'll be posting a new chapter the last day of every month. :3 Hope some of you... one of you... will read it. Stay tuned!

Cheers!
Jenn

Photo credit: prlog.org

The Berlin Wall (history.com)
Romanov's Murder and the Berlin Wall
Walled In! Germany's Inner Boarder (youtube)
The History of the Berlin Wall (youtube)
Berlin Wall Deaths (youtube)

The Art of Thinking

Life is confusing sometimes. And sometimes I forget why I dance. But then, I remember.

My head kind of moves too fast for me, ya know? Like, everything just keeps going and I have no idea what's going on. I'm kind of the spacey type of person that gets easily swept away in the moment. I guess that's why it's nearly one in the morning on a school night and I'm sitting up typing and not sleeping. My brain just won't stop.

I was once told that girls don't have the ability to never stop thinking. I don't really want to look it up--I like knowing that I'm "normal" when my mind won't stop. It's not really racing, but the rest of me just can't seem to keep up with it. *deep breath* Sometimes it feels like I'm suffocating, but this isn't one of those times. This time is just not knowing what I should be thinking about. What I should be doing with my life. What I should be doing right now.

I firmly believe in prayer. I believe in trusting in God. But I also believe that God has given me the ability to dance for a reason. It clears my head and makes me focus. Because no matter what you're doing in life, you can't think and dance at the same time. Dancing is active thinking.

Let me try to explain (please note: these are just terms I'm using to describe my brain. Scientifically, they're not these definitions. But the English language is one to be creative with, so bear with me).

As you go about your day, it may be the same day as every other one. Every day you live might be monotonous, it might have a set template. Go here. Go there. Pick up this. Pick up that. Shower. Eat. Bed. And as you do those activities, you can probably be thinking about other things too. Troubles. Worries. Fears.

But when you do something that you have to think about and give everything to--cake decorating, wood carving, drafting, sketching, chemistry, algebra, physics, dancing--you participate in active thinking.  You're constantly thinking about the next move, next idea, next step. You don't have time to give to another thought. Perfection is required, and you know it.

And that's why I love dancing. Even when I'm having a rough day, I can stop thinking through dancing. Even if it's not forever, it's enough.

Goodnight

Who Run Da World?....Mean Girls?

Hi everyone!

Ignoring the header. Oh, that header...

Heyyy! So, if you're new, go ahead and right click that "Keep Calm and Blacksmith" picture, and open that to a new tab. There, you'll see that I am REALLY into going on to become a blacksmith professionally. Ferrier and everything (maybe). So, this class is the most important to me because without it I won't have that edge for college (and I NEED an edge!). This class is actually the only reason I'm going back to school this year! But this class also gave me my first anxiety attack of the entire school year.

Why? 

Well, for the past few years in high school I've been harassed by some girls in my grade. It's not been nice, and it's been especially hard fitting in and getting a friend group together. While "picking sides" isn't THAT important to me, if you don't support me then I will find the relationship worthless. Nothing personal, but in the end you'll still be picking someone else over me so why bother getting attached? ESPECIALLY when you're choosing someone who will bully others. But, erm, the main "leader" of the girls that harassed me is in my blacksmithing class. 

And it's been interesting. 

See, she doesn't know anyone else in the class but me. And there's me, who she's made fun of and encouraged people to make fun of me/slam me into lockers and walls/stuff. And then she just starts talking to me on the first day and trying to be funny and WON'T STOP TALKING TO ME. And I was being nice! I mean, friendly is good, right? Friendly is AWESOME. But this... This was probably one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time, especially when I want to yell and scream and tell her to go stick her head in the forge and leave me alone. 

I don't mean that. There's worse. (I don't mean that either! I swear, I'm passive. Mostly.) 

My point being, though, is that it's extremely difficult because the time will come this year when she's a jerk and I lose my cool completely. Very few people witness it, but it's not pretty. It's calm, it's controlled, but I've been told that it's assertive and threatening and nice all at once and that's a pretty terrifying combo. Only, I don't think I will control it. I'll just RAGE. 

I dunno... *dies* But, erm, she's in this class and she's clingy and annoying and has the most offensive sense of humor ever. Maybe it's because I went to that leadership seminar over the summer, but I just don't like it none. Not like this. 

But, it's not so hard being nice. I do this whole thing where my throat closes up and my brain fogs over and my chest gets tight and word vomit comes out, but none of it is too bad. But today I had my first honest-to-gods anxiety attack (of the school year). These are nothing new, I used to get them a lot last year when the harassment was particularly bad. But I wasn't excited because this is my passion AND it's only day five of school. And the trigger was just thinking I was going to be around her. 

It's scary. Being nice is scary. That is probably one of the most messed up things I've ever typed before. 

Now, for those of you raging "GET REVENGE! STAB HER WITH STEEL!" 1. That's illegal! You horrible person! The beginner's will burn themselves enough. It'll be hilarious probably, but that's for my feels and not ya'll. 2. Out of this whole experience, 99% of the people that hear about it that aren't Christian question my self-control. After high school, if anyone EVER questions my self control I will probably rage. This hasn't been easy, but my cool, calm demeanor has been my salvation. And God, of course. Without faith, I probably would have raged by now. 

But, I did talk to my blacksmithing teacher. Which went stranger than I thought it would. I told him who the girl is, and he just sighed and leaned back, stating: "That happened last year with a different girl, too." 

My face went: o.o 

I wasn't expecting that. But it makes sense. Just... in a bad, horrible way. It makes me assured that it really isn't just me, but it also makes me so angry because now I really don't know how to hold my cool so well. I'm really, really edging to my last nerve. So close. 

Your prayers would be appreciated. I will be updating, though, and hopefully talk about some strategies on how to deal with mean girls and bullies, and how to keep your cool. (hint: it does including walking out of class) 

OH! Main point was actually this: THAT CHICK GAVE ME A UNICORNIN' COLDSORE. I haven't had a cold sore in NINE YEARS. (mine are stress-induced) !(#*$@)_($(%U#% SMACK DOWN I SWEAR. *snaps* 

Ahhhh... High school. The glory days. *snorts* 

Cheers! 

Jenn

3000 PLUS!

Hi everyone!

Ah! I'm so, so, so excited! I have gotten over 3,000 page views, AND most of them are from Google! (whoa, right?!) I'm so hyped! Thank you all so, so, so much! ^.^ I feel like this is another milestone. I don't know when I'll stop bragging about my page views, but for right now I will be continue. Because I BRAG. (also, I've only been blogging since February, 2013, so that isn't too long... but still pretty long! (3000/7=428.5 page views per day))

So, I just thought I'd post that, but because I should post more, I will.

My school recently combined our lunches (because we're so small), so instead of having three lunch periods, we only have two now. Our school also is special because we have the proper facilities to help handicapped students. I don't like big lunches, and our lunchroom is now PACKED full of kids, but I've been dealing. Today, though, my table was approached by a teacher's aid who works with one of the paralyzed kids in our school. She asked us if some kids from my table would want to go sit with him in a classroom because the lunch room was so crowded.

Of course, I told her no and was like WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?!

...

C'mon, peeps, really? REALLY? Of course I didn't do that!

I was really excited to get out of there, and I knew this kid already (I sat with him Freshman year). He didn't really talk too much, and I didn't think we had a lot in common. I was really glad when one of my brother's friends came along with me and was able to talk to the kid. They had gaming and age in common, something I didn't exactly have. :3

Still, it was probably one of the best lunches yet, and I plan on hanging out with them as long as they want me there. It was fun to just sit back and talk with some of my brother's friends, eat popcorn, and listen to some sass.

Maybe I'll be able to post names or something. My Privacy Policy has actually been lifted (thanks to the bullying in school coming to an end within the next ten months), so I'm very happy to say that my Youtube channel will be premiering Wednesday, August 28, 2013! My age, location, and year in school will still be kept secret, but I absolutely cannot wait to talk to everyone!

I'll be filming tomorrow, so if anyone has any suggestions, please comment below! Otherwise, I'd love some moral support on Youtube. But absolutely no pressure! ;)

Cheers!
Jenn

Day Three of School *UNCENSORED POST*

*WARNING: If you're squeamish about periods then you should not read this post. One of the cornerstones of In.w/o is PMDD, and this post has a lot to do with: dealing with and treating PMDD. This is purely educational on a subjective level. Please keep this in mind or do not continue reading. Thank you.*

Hi everyone!

Augh! First week of school is DONE. It's OVER. I can't believe it. (actually, I can. And that leaves a BILLION more days of school left! ooohhhh the perillll!)

So, I have written about PMDD before. Only I don't think I've stated that I was diagnosed? Back in June, my mother and I had a huge blow-up. And when I say huge, it wasn't like: "I hate you!" "I hate you!" "AGH I'M GOING TO MY ROOM!" It was more of a: "I !(@$U(@$@#$$%$# AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" (no, there was no swearing. Just me leaving. Again. *sigh*)

Anyway, it was really, really tiring. And I was tired of it, and the hormones, and the general problems (depression, weird suicidal thoughts, the gist). Because, ya know, my life was difficult, but it wasn't non-doable. Like, PMDD messes everything up. I promise. Your ideas, your thinking, your brain--everything! AND JUST BECAUSE HORMONES. Like, there is nothing else that is wrong with you except the hormones! It's just so weiiirrrdddd!!!

So, I was done and in June I called my doctor's office and made mum take me in. I was diagnosed then, and am on a medication (that I can't talk about, so we won't go there). It's been working pretty well! I've been less spazzy, but all July I was completely sick because of it. Getting out of bed, staying awake--anything was extremely hard. I'm really grateful it was during the summer, though, so I wouldn't be like that during the school year.

But, my first week of school was weird. Due to the medication, I don't blow up on people or have suicidal thoughts. And honestly, getting used to non-PMDD anger is really hard, too. Because I'm like: am I going too far? Not far enough? Is this rational anger? Should I just go flip a table?

I'm 99% certain I have ADD or something. STAY ON TRACK ME!

Anyway, those few things I listed above were key pre-cursors to my period. And the meds have been keeping those things at bay, so my period is a bit of a surprise now. And I've been pretty relaxed, being as recently I haven't had any irrational/rational anger bouts. It's been so weird!

Today, right before math, I went to the bathroom. Just a casual "I gotstapeeeee" trip, nothing out of the blue. AND YES THIS IS IMPORTANT TO THE STORY. I then went to math and enjoyed relearning things that have been pounded into my brain since kindergarten. I was like: "I GET IT 1+1 IS--"

OHHHHHHHHHMMMYYYYGODS

I doubled over in a second, feeling sudden pain coming from the pit of my stomach. For those girls that are "normal" or whatever (or those boys that are reading this), it kinda feels like when you have bad gas, only ten times worse. Period cramps are a pain of their own, and a step up from that is basically labor. It's training! I'M PREPARED!

It was really, really painful though. And I sat through the rest of math class, dying. But it was even stranger because I've never just KNOWN when my period hits. Like, I've known "about when", but never have been like: "ANND it's here. Yay!" Mostly because who's happy on their period but also because I've just been crampy a few days before my period too.

Now I'm happy and I know things. Gods. I'm growing up!

Anyway, I went up to my teacher and just was like: "Can you write me a pass now because I just got gut-punched by mother nature if ya know what I mean." I'm pretty sure she was thinking: "YOU JUST WENT" but then, she is a female so she might've been more like: "I'm so sorry. That sucks. Welcome back to school!"

We'll never know.

Anyway, I just thought that was an interesting story from school. School's a pain but it was a new experience having to do with PMDD, which is one of the things I blog about. Because PMDD SUCKS.

Cheers!
Jenn

Teen Room Redo: Mi Ancla Canvas Art

Hi everyone!

Besides painting my walls, I made some of my old wall-art into new wall art, all themed around the sea/Percy Jackson/Annabeth Chase. Because that's what fangirls do! Anywhoo, I decided to take two of my older pieces of "art" to redo. I also used some of my yellow wall paint, and some Navy Blue Acrylic paint. I know this is pretty basic, but for my means this would work. My walls are going to be (when completely done): Yellow, light blue, and a deep, almost purple, blue. Before ya'll start freaking out, there are six walls in my room so it actually works out pretty well. Somewhat. (my side is yellow, my sister's is the purpleish wall)

Anyway, I wanted a simplistic design that also had all the colors in my room in it to tie everything together. Because we can't afford paint for all the walls (I used samples to paint my walls so far, so only three are done), I had to use my imagination to help picture all the colors together. My sister was going to work in a more colorful scheme, filled with a kindergarten-esque feel to it. No offense to her. But that's basically what it is.

So, I imagined these being simple, clean, and sea-filled. Well, maybe not filled, but still. YOU GET THE POINT I HOPE.

For my canvases, I wanted quotes. I had two paint-able canvases, so I thought through all of my favourite sea-feeling songs. I knew a few Irish ones, but I decided not to use those--they were all about sea-fairing men who lost their loved ones. So instead, I went with a Christian song--Mi Ancla, by Mindy Gledhill. There's an English version, but personally, I think the Spanish version is amazing. You can listen to it here.

I wanted to use my 9x12in canvas for the lyrics, so I painted it the same yellow that's on my wall.

See? This had been painted with crayon, then sharpie, then
acrylic. It was time for a redo, though, because
it no longer worked with my room. ): 

Ahh! Wall paint on canvas! :O

All finished! (:

For the design, I looked up the lyrics and a few pictures of an anchor. (on Google Images, of course!) Then, I did a rough sketch in pencil. 

Then, I started painting with the blue acrylic paint. It took a few coats to really make it look awesome, but I think it came out awesome. (: 

Vwa-la! She is finite!

I'm no art teacher, but I hope you're inspired. The lyrics mean "My anchor, you will be"--which I think is a cute, great reminder for a HEY LOOK WATER room. ;)

If you're not artistic, you can print out an image, cut it out, and trace it. For the lettering, you can use some cute stickers, place them on the canvas, paint over them, and pull the stickers off when the paint has dried. Spread the paint *just* around so the letters have an aura, and feel free to try and splatter around the letter's aura, just so it blends in. It'll look fantastic, whatever you do. It's not always about the art... but how it came about. :) Believe me, the way it had looked before hand wasn't a first-try... But then... I guess you could've known that. Hahaha.

Cheers!
Jenn

So I Set Fiiiire, to the Ragggssss!

And now to celebrate my first week back in blacksmithing, I bring you... (because God gave me a nice warm-up, really!) 

Hi everyone!

So, I'm currently sitting on a possible case of tendonitis and would appreciate your prayers. I have a feeling my dancing life is being a little cut-short. Ughness. It's not meant to beeeeeee! Anywhoo, we'll see tomorrow. (: Right now it's just swollen and painful. AHHH PAINNNN!

In lighter news, though! I have a super fun story for you!

So, at church today, we had gotten their for Sunday School. My mom had put a coffee cake into the oven to bake (there's a kitchen in our church... it's a weird set up, but everything's connected), and I had gone home to get a jacket for a girl and change into something nicer myself--I had just arrived from an overnight. After running back to church, I sat down and we got service started. About three-fourths the way through, my mom had smelled something, so I went to go make sure it was done.

Now, here's the thing: Where we hold church is extremely dated. Everything's from the 1980's, so it's all retro and doesn't work right. The oven is no excuse, either. It's infamous for burning things beyond repair, and there's been a few fires before. But, we've gotten pretty good at mastering this oven, so we thought it would be pretty okay. (also: please note the above, how my ankle is NOT doing too hot)

Anyway, I'm moving back towards the kitchen, and I start smelling the cake. It smells kinda like blacksmithing, too, so I run and throw open the oven. The top of the cake is black. I look at it, and then grab two rags closest to me--I wasn't going to check it, that thing had to come out! So, I push my hands into the oven with the rags as mitts.

Only, my thumb touched the metal for longer than a few seconds, so I dropped the rags and jumped back. As I was jumping back, I kept my eyes on the rag and watched as they touched the bottom of the oven. I hadn't noticed that it was electric, so there were huge wires at the bottom to heat the entire oven. My eyes grew wide as I watched the middle of one rag settle on the wire, and reached for it when--

VOOSH! 

The corner caught on fire! I grabbed it, pulling it up and shaking it wildly, trying to keep it down. Service was still being held in the other room, and I didn't want to disturb them. But meanwhile, I was dropping the rag onto the carpet, and watching it blaze.

Here's where I mention something very vital: I don't where shoes, anywhere.

So the rag's on the carpeted floor and the fire's still going and I've got no shoes on. I quickly turn over the corner of the rag, and stomp on it twice, then leave it to get my mom. All of my hard work keeping it quiet was lost when I wildly ran out into the main room, motioning for my mother to come with me. Her eyes got wide and she ran behind me, and when I got back to the kitchen, I was relieved to see that the fire was out. I picked it up, and bluntly told her:

"I have made a mistake!"

She looked at it and then ran to the oven, turning it off and grabbing pot holders from a drawer. (and deep inside I'm like: u srs?! [you serious]) She pulls it out, and puts it on the stove top, surveying the blackness of the coffee cake.

Before I go on, can I just say how important this coffee cake is? For months my mom has been bringing coffee cake every morning because most of our congregation is starving by the time Sunday School is over. We have lunch after main service, but this is vital. Mostly to this one man who attends our church, who looks so forward to muffins or cake. It's kinda funny, actually. Which is why my mom loves bringing something--it makes the congregation happier to have food in their bellies. (our church is a Russian-style church where we all bring food and share it afterwards, every Sunday. It makes church a little less like an obligation and more like a family moment) BUT MY POINT IS THAT THIS CAKE IS IMPORTANT.

And it was completely black.

So, mom and I just stand there, both speechless. She grabs a knife, sliding it into the middle and pulling it out, it coming out clean. She then looks at me, and states: "It ate my cake!"

I was like: "Yup, that horrible monster!"

She then grabbed the rag, examining the hole. She started laughing, and looked at the burnt spot on the carpet. I had a small blister forming on my thumb already and it was pretty painful, but we walked back out to service together, sitting and laughing to ourselves. At the end of service, our pastor smiled and said, "Well, I think I smell something delicious, so let's wrap up!"

My mom: "No."

Me: "I might've just set it on fire..."

The ladies in front of us: "Maybe, huh? ;)"

Aren't you proud of me??? :D

Afterwards, I apologized to our pastor's wife, who owned the rags. I then was asked by one of the guy's at my church if I had burned myself on the oven (and he's a very stoic boy, mind you). I knew him, so I picked up the rag and said: "Nahh..."

He then burst out laughing.

Because, ya know, adrenaline-free Sundays are too mainstream. ;D

Cheers!

Jenn

Reasons Why Being a Fangirl is AWESOME!

Hi everyone!

I start school in, like, five days. And that is super scary. If ya'll remember my absence back in April, I'll let you know why now: I had been getting food thrown at me and bullied by one of my "friends". She had used me to get close to a guy and then quickly ditched me, and after she broke up with him, was really, really angry with me--for what, I'm still not sure. But, this lead to her getting involved with the meanest clique in my grade which then lead to me getting harassed in the hallways by a lot of girls. And when I asked my guy friends to step in and start walking with me from class to class or something they promptly started being jerks because they sided with their bro's ex.

Confused? It was kinda messy.

Anyway, so, I kinda ended the school year friendless. And being friendless, it's kinda scary going back into a place where you were harassed by people who used to be your best friends. So, this'll be super-duper exciting and new! *sigh*

Moving onward, this summer has taught me some amazing coping skills. Not having to do with breathing techniques or counting or writing or blogging--though those are all great--but something that was totally out-of-this-world-awesome. Because being a fangirl--demigod, in my case--isn't just about saying, "I'm a demigod!" It's about having a commitment that brings you together with people you've never met. It's knowing that you have support even when school sucks.

Being a fangirl is a full-time commitment. It's geeking out over something. It's being occupied so much that you don't have time to think about what those other kids are saying or doing. <--and that's the main point!

Let me outline what fangirls are busy thinking about:

• Shipping. Oh the shipping. How can we be focused on real-life relationships when PERCABETH IS IN TARTARUS?! 
• OTP's. For those that don't know (like I didn't at one time), this means "One True Pairing". Such as Percabeth. Whose currently in Tartarus. GAHHHHHH. 
• Sketching, drawing, and recreating those amazing scenes from your favourite books! This can take a lot of that extra class time--or life time. 
• tumbrl, Pinterest, and many other social websites that you waste hours on working on shipping those couples. Ship-ship-ship! (being a fangirl really is a commitment!) 
• Even when you feel down, there's something funny about your latest Ship that someone will have posted somewhere. And then, you can't be down... Because you're Shipping with some amazing gals. <3 

Just five very vital points of being a fangirl. There's so, so much more... but I know that if I keep my chin up I'll do amazing this school year. Because let's SHIP THESE PEOPLES! 

I love blogging. I love you all. But, I feel like shipping and OTP's and being a fangirl will totally be helping me cope. Because even if I'm being harassed... I'm not in Tartarus, and I'm just waiting to be claimed! YEAHHHH!!! 

Cheers! 

Jenn

What are your favourite coping skills? Who are you currently shipping? 

Jenn... Again?!

GUYS! I got some down-time so I was able to push the date forward! Check it ouuuuttt! ;D

Hi everyone!

Ah! I'm so excited about these changes! I mean, redoing my room got me so hyped on this whole "change" thing that I couldn't wait anymore to change my blog! Of course, the big reveal will still be on the 21.... I'm writing this the 12, but I'm certain I'll still be working on this post up till the 21. Anyway, it's so very exciting! Let me explain what I did and why...

First! The header--the old header was okay but I was more over the color scheme. I wanted grey--plainer, with just a dash of color. Maybe a LOT of color. But, guys, look at my Mission Statement. How can you be happy without color? ;)

Second! The tabs above are newly updated. Because I'm really, like, obsessed with them spanning across the entire page. There ARE filler pages (Mission Statement, My Beginnings, and, for the moment, Tutorials), but PLEASE keep in mind that my baby isn't even a year old yet! The pages will be changing as newer things come around. But they have to be constant things, so we'll see. Anyway, I think .... *

Third! I've started a Youtube channel (and you can click above to reach that), and it will have some do it yourselves as well as the podcasts on there. The podcasts will still be posted with the corresponding posts, but it's just another way for me to publish my content and reach out there. (: Not because I have so many readers, but because my mom and I both think it would be expanding my hobbies more. *... Having a Youtube channel, a Pinterest, and writing for two blogs will keep me busy enough!

Fourth! If you'd care to check the Ship List (now on your left), you'll see my Follower gadget right below that. This is more of an important note for fellow bloggers, but just so ya'll know, if there's anything under your Follower gadget, it will make all of the stuff under it shake for certain people/bowsers/computer companies. If you don't mind the shaking, you should be a-okay, but if you're like me--and really annoyed by it--just put it at the bottom or get rid of it all together. This is going along with the Google+ movement, but can be avoided.

Fifth! I'm not too sure when my Keep Calm and Blacksmith picture went away, but I fixed that. Ooops. ):

And finally... If there are any problems with the design, you can contact me at:

inspiration.without.jenn@gmail.com

Inspiration without Jenn. Ouch. Self-burn, eh? >.<

Cheers!

Jenn

WHAT ARE THIS??!!!

Heyyyy everyone!

Just wanted to drop in and tell you all that WO will be "closed" for a little bit! I've got some fun DIY's coming up and I've got a fangirl themed room redo that I'm so excited for!!! Please stay tuned, I will be relaunching on August 21, 2013! Until then, I will be reading your blogs. (:

Also, August 18-20 the blog will probably be down-down for some TLC (again). I've gotten some feedback and we're going to be going with a close but different color scheme, and it should look fantastic! It should be awesome!

Anyway, see ya'll on August 21!

Cheers!
JEnn

So Many Things!

Hi everyone!

Yikes! I've obviously been busy--otherwise I wouldn't be lacking on my blog! It's very chaotic lately, with all the stuffs.

Wait, what stuffs?

WELL--I've painted my brothers room, and am right now working on the exterior of the house (lunch break!). Tomorrow, my fam is going to get some free paint (yayness!) for my room, which means studying up and deciding on my colours. Because I recently swapped sides with my sister (one of my main projects--three days into it and it's *still* going on? Luckily, though, it's not my stuff. It's my sister's stuff, because she refuses to stay neat. (she's a hoarder....)

Anyway, I'll post pics in the before-and-after post, but my room is super dark. Like, the walls are painted a muddy purple. It's horrible. (our house was basically a bachelor pad before we moved in)

So, I recently found out that my mom hates painting. Like, really, really hates painting. Which is why I've been going through and painting all of the rooms in the house. I recently made a list of all the rooms, and we're going through in order of easy-to-access. My room is the first because we're still moving furniture and while it's messy, we can work it. (yay messy rooms?) I don't know what colours, though! I was thinking bright and freakin' girly, but then I was like "Maybe not?" NO SAY!!! D:

ANYwhOO, I'm going to go do some "research" and hope I come up with something good or some colours I like. And then I will murder my sibling for being annoying.

Cheers!
Jenn

Postponed

Hi everyone!

Just a quick apology--we're currently in the middle of redoing my room and it's a huge fire hazard mess!!! I promise the ISFJ post will be up by the end of the day today! I just really need to make the room safe first. I'm so sorry. ): Fail-whale!!!

Anyway, thanks for your prayers and thoughts, I'm feeling SO MUCH BETTER!!! Like, bouncing off the walls dancing around and redoing EVERYTHING! (okay, not really) But, anyway, I'm also getting ready some back to school posts ready because I go back in, like, four weeks! :D Yay? (okay, I've actually been having nightmares and social anxiety of leaving the house. Is this a bad thing? I'm not sure. I'm relating to Eli over on It Just Gets Stranger.... Which is okay.)

Welp, I've gotta go study! Later tonight, though, promise!

Cheers!
Jenn

Let's Talk: The Time I Cheated

Hi everyone!

AH! Another fantastic relationship post! So, in one of my ranty posts, I talked (briefly) about a relationship I was in. And we're gonna get into that a bit, but this has more to do with everything but the guy I was actually in a relationship with. And that's really okay--I still don't think I'm prepared to talk about that. Probably because I really don't think it's relevant. AT ALL.

Anyway, so I was dating this guy (who REALLY doesn't matter), and we were in school. And it was getting around that we were dating so certain relationships of mine (with guys AND girls) started getting super weird. It was awkward. But one--just one--remained the same.

See, there was this short, annoying kid who sat in front of me during study hall. And he was the only one I could talk to when I was alone and had no one to talk to. Mostly because my other friends were busy doing homework. What weirdos.

Anyway, so he was someone most people annoyed. But then, I started talking to him, and we hit it off. We talked about everything from religion (he's this weirdo Mormon) to relationships. And please note the latter part: relationships. Because we talked about this a lot--he was new in his relationship, and I in mine. So, it was interesting comparing notes. (and he insisted I was making a huge mistake. I never doubted him again. He was just too weird.)

He quickly became my bestie, and sometimes we would walk home when the dude I was dating had to go to track practice. I loved this walks the most--it was a break from the chaos, and we were more free to talk about other things. Like, ya know, how absolutely tough I am. (seriously, nothing huge, just fluff)

But, so, this thing started happening. This one guy who was annoying started to hear rumors, but we didn't think much about them. UNTIL.

"So, Jenn, how're you and Annoying doing?"

Me: "Um... what? o.O

Weirdo Person: "Well, you and Annoying are dating, right? ;););)

Me: "Not... that I knew of? o.O

Weirdo Person: Well, I'm glad we had this talk Jenn. You just keep Annoying in check.

Me: Okay? I thought I was dating someone else. Whoa.

LATER

Me: ANNOYING! Dude, we're dating!

Annoying: Yeah, I kinda heard that around. Nice, isn't it?

Me: Dude, I want to slam your face into wall! I'm cheating!

Annoying: Well, my girlfriend doesn't even go to this school.

Me: SO?! That means that MY boyfriend will find out and then be like: YOU CHEATED ON ME!

Annoying: Which is why you should just DUMP HIM and date someone like me!

Me: Ew.

I did tell my boyfriend (the real one) that rumors went around about Annoying and I, and he was "cool" about it. But then, he never liked Annoying after that. Sad day. ):

But, Annoying is still one of my closest friends. He's pretty awesome, and as you probably saw, we kinda just let ourselves get really conceited. It works for us, which is apparently abusive and unhealthy. But at the same time, it kept us both sane and alive. And he was for sure one of the bestest friends ever during that time period. I mean now? Eh. Maybe I'll pass.

(just kidding. hahahahahahaa)

I hope you all enjoyed my cheating story. :3 Unintentional cheating is by far the best cheating, even though I wish people didn't assume. But hey! That's kinda okay. ;) It leads to an interesting dating story. And it kinda led to me finding my stupid short best friend.

Cheers!
Jenn

According to an INFJ

Hi everyone! 

Today we have the lovely Calliope from The Muses blog, and you should totally go check her out if you have the time! Because she's an INFJ, I've asked her to answer five questions in her opinion, and you can compare how very different my opinion is to hers. If not to bring more contrast to the types, let this also really just to sit ya'll down and show ya that the facts do matter, but they don't always add up--Myer-Briggs is how the brain works, not always the decisions. If the letters are weak (low percentages), that could mean that the person is not as "strong" of the type that they are, so their tendencies might not be as prominent. This chica also has some great facts I didn't even know about INFJ's! Granted, if I had maybe researched more, that wouldn't have been a problem, but blog posts are only supposed to be 600 words long... how much did ya'll want me to write? 

Anyway, enjoy, comment, and ask questions! It's the only way to really learn something. ;) 

Cheers!

Jenn

Read Jenn's ideas of the type here! 

1. How did you find out about the Myer-Briggs Personality Type test?

Well, I'm not actually exactly sure. I probably saw something on Facebook or when searching online for free personality tests. And yes, I really do use Google for obscure stuff like that. :)
Anyway! I took an online Myer-Briggs test about a year ago, and I found out my type. It wasn't until a few months ago, though, that I took the test on multiple free sites, and when reading my results began to realize that this test and my results were dead on!! It was then that I began to research more and make every close family member and friend take the test as well. ;)


2. What is your type, and what is one "signature" behavior of the type?

I am an INFJ! And yes, we're the rarest of them all. :) Only one signature behavior? I feel like that goes against the whole INFJ personality. ;) So I'll talk about that! INFJ's sometimes seem absent-minded or even slow. But really, we pretty much are over-analyzing everything, or when having a serious discussion we are analyzing the implications of the topic on humanity or some such craziness. We really ARE thinking, and we have quite the capacity to think many different thoughts at once, but that all correlate. But this makes it REALLY hard to actually verbalize our thoughts or to articulate what exactly we are thinking. I think it's actually pretty cool - but it gets embarrassing when others want me to answer something on the spot that I haven't fully thought through.


3. After learning about your type, have you learned more about yourself and used that information to become a better person?

I have definitely learned more about myself. When I read my type's profile, everything seemed to click. Instead of seeing myself as weird, awkward, or even super complex (which I kinda am) - I began to realize that being intricate was OK! Not everyone had to understand me, especially when I can barely understand myself! This actually helped me to be more understanding of others' confusion. ;) But it also helped me to realize and to utilize my strengths and weaknesses. For example, one strength (I think) that an INFJ has is the ability to empathize with others. If you're having a bad day... First of all, WE KNOW IT. We can sense it, and can even feel it ourselves. But I can also see where people need help. Sometimes I'm not always exactly sure how to help them, but I can see it. Of course, we also have weaknesses!! An INFJ weakness, is that we always think we're right. About everything. We also can judge others quite a lot, because what seems so obvious to us is NOT that obvious to them. And when others are in a lousy mood and I can tell, I sometimes snap because I was having a perfectly good day before I began to feel their nasty feelings. ;)


4. Why do you think Myer-Briggs has become as popular as it is now?

Because people like to understand themselves and to realize that they are not alone! Also, with social media we have been able to find others with the same type and glean from their experiences and share our own.


5. Have you met anyone else of your type, if so, did you get along or did you clash heads? (if you haven't: Would you be excited, or would you be apprehensive?)

Yes. My mom is the only one who I am pretty sure may be an INFJ. Some of my friends had an INFJ result, but I'm not so sure. ;)
In some ways, my mom and I definitely get along. We think the same way - so we can understand where the other person is coming from. But the same type does not equal the same values or views. INFJs defend our values very highly, so when two INFJs with different values come together... it can sometimes be brutal. Not too brutal, of course, because we eventually calm down and try to smooth things over. :)
I'll still answer the If Not question, though, because I'm still not positive that I've met an INFJ! :) I think I would be excited, especially if they knew for sure that they were an INFJ and liked to study types. I would love to compare notes!

Negative Side Effects of being INTJ

Hi everyone!

Ugh, another sad post?

Well... no? See, I've talked a lot about the good things about being INTJ. But not any of the bad things--the things that make us social outcasts. Now, that may seem harsh at first, but--seriously. Have you seen any super-amazing-totally-social INTJ's ever? Why do you think we lurk on internet chat-rooms? 

Answer: Because we are social outcasts. And most of it is our fault.

That's right--all our own. No one to blame but our parents, who made us, and sin. (which makes me wonder if there is a "perfect type"...) Anyway, one of these traits happens to be something I've been dealing with for over a year. And it sucks. But it wouldn't suck if I was a different type--it might be worse, it might be better, but for right now, all I know is that all INTJ's suffer from this horrible, terrible side effect. And what is it?

We're so gosh-darn sensitive about rejection.

And I know what you're thinking. "Wait a minute, Jenn, you just were saying how INTJ's don't care about what people think--they do their own thing, regardless!"

Well...

"That is one of the most contradicting statements I've ever heard! Why are you talking to yourself? UGH! Now you look crazy even on your blog! You're never going out in public again!"

Thanks? Anyway, it kinda makes sense.

INTJ's have been dubbed "robots." And with good reasoning--we don't like to show emotions to anyone, ever. When we do, it's an absolute sign of trust. It's the greatest gift we could possibly show you--the "seal" of the relationship, in a way. And if we're willing to put up with your stupid, emotional human-ness to the point of giving away our trust--we're willing to go to Hell and back with you (ah, pardon my language, but I'm talking literal here).

But beside being robots, I don't mean that we want to be accepted by everyone. There are quite a few relationships that have ended that I didn't mourn over at all. I hate how cruel that sounds, but it's like a light-switch--once we've decided that it needs to end, the flip switches, and BAM! it's over. No biggie. But to someone who means a lot to us--a peer of the same intellect, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a best friend--it crushes us. Maybe we didn't show emotion to them at all, but it goes against our logic. The logic is mathematical, and everyone uses different steps to get there, but it says:

"You can trust them."

We wouldn't befriend you if you weren't worth the risk. And if you do break our trust or shut us down--no matter how, or why, it kills. It kills because you defied our logic, you proved illogical, and you became colder than we are in the process. Because of the pre-assessed logic, it does take us a while to come off of that and away, moving onward towards different people. And usually, INTJ's are understanding when it comes to having things explained to them. Myself, I would never hate a person until they explained what happened. But if you don't explain well, or I found out you lied--nope. It's over, and it hurts.

And I just don't know how to explain how or why. It's so human. When you're working on suppressing emotions 24/7, sometimes when they're let out, they really throw you off course. Happiness, joy, sadness, anger, depression--all the emotions there could be; all of them throw me off. I don't understand them.

And being a robot may be awesome most of the time. But when rejected by all of your peers (and right now, my mother, who was supposed to call three hours ago), life just kinda sucks.

I hope this wasn't too long. And I hope you learned how to better care for your INTJ. If they're standing on the side of the room, looking sad, lost, lonely, or spacey, go talk to them. They probably would love you forever, and you might have found a new friend. Sometimes we need that push, and then we're good. (:

Cheers!
Jenn

I Give Up!

Hi everyone!

It's Wednesday. It marks over a month of not being able to sleep properly. And I am so tired.

But the thing is, I lay down in bed and after five minutes, I'm energized again. Guys,

I'M TURNING INTO THE ENERGIZER BUNNY.

I just keep going!

And this is so, so, so tiring. More than you would think. So much, in face, that I'm already starting on my blog's updates. (guys, I'm sorry... really.... it's just that the header is really, really grainy! It's bothering meeeee)

Anyway, I don't know what this post is about. But I'm making a new label titled 'Insomniac' and will probably be writing about that some more. Because there's so much I can write about--I mean, it's insomnia! ^.^ I'm up all night doing magical things. Last night I made hamburgers. And it took burning one side to realize that turning the flame down and covering them would be a good idea. I'm just so tired I cannot think straight. That's okay though.

Well, up until you're like: "WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?!"

Anyway, so, I'm making my room plan with PicMonkey, because I'm really not diggin' the other room planners out there. But I'm kinda hyped because I'm positioning today! :D Take a look below!

My room set up "normally". Light green=futon bed, dark green=dresser
pink=desk, brown=desk chair.

All the parts labeled, but how it would probably look
when I had to spread things out (which is
the only reason why I have to tilt the bed)

So, basically, if you want to create a room set-up on PicMonkey, you can use the Overlay section and explore what they have to offer. I did really like this so much better than other room planner programs--and it's completely free! If you have a weird room shape, though, using a different planner might be better. 

Anyway, I'm off to go spray paint my chair! It's gonna be a light pink and hopefully I can get a fabric spray-pain in the green I'd like (because the fabric can't be reupholstered). But, we'll see! I actually landed a spray paint that matches some of the thread colours on the chair, so it might come out a super-cute vintage look! I'm also cleaning my brother's room today, because I'm nosy and I'm going to try and paint it this weekend. :3 It should only take a day, but my mom is planning on giving me some allergy pills that will knock me out (yay drugs?) Friday night. I've been having vertigo problems and have fallen because of it, so she thinks that I need some sleep-help. Hopefully, though, I won't need it all of the time! But it would be great to feel good again. ^.^ 

So, day plan?: 

1. Shower. It's sunny outside, which means that my body should be getting ready to wake-up! 
2. Make pancakes and eggs for breakfast and do some dishes! ^.^ 
3. Throw a load of towels in.
4. Get my chair ready to be painted. 
5. Paint it!!! 
6. Start cleaning my bro's room. 
7. Break time! Clean my room and re-position some more furniture. 
8. Probably time to throw those towels into the drier and throw my own clothes in the wash. 
9. Finish cleaning, and drinking lotsa water! 
10. Relax and self-five! 

Any exciting plans? Leave them in the comments below! ;) 

Cheers! 

Jenn

According to an INTJ: INFJ's are Weird.

Hi everyone!

Welcome to Week Two of "According to an INTJ..." If you missed Week One--the introduction, you can click here! 

Our first type are the INFJ's--the rarest type (estimated 2-3% of the population), but the females take the lead (1-2% of the female population) while males are dwindling (.5-1% of the population). So, INTJ females are still the absolute minority when it comes to females! The males, though? INFJ's. My perfect "companion" type. *sigh* Guess who's never getting married...

INFJ's are prideful, first and foremost. No matter where I go in my research, this was one of the first things that popped up. The easiest way to figure out if you're an INFJ or not is to get in argument--if you're easily swayed, you're not an INFJ. If you stand by your info, you're an INFJ. Though, that is not the only way (or a good way). INTJ's also can use that, so you're only figuring out three letters. Which, ya know, is better than most. But, anyway, this pride is different than INTJ pride. INTJ pride is more like: THESE ARE FACTS! While INFJ's seem to be more humanitarian. (aka: Those may be facts, but that's what those people are feeling you terrible robot!) INFJs know that they have an amazing ability to tell exactly what a person is feeling and feel that too--and that is the source of their pride.

I can't really say much about that. I mean, INTJ's know their smart, and INFJ's know they're feels. Gosh, we prideful, soul siblings!

Another key tell-tale sign of INFJ's is that they are extremely sensitive to the needs of others. Now, don't think child-needs--think of INFJ's as parents, and everyone else their child. Yes, INFJ's may see what the person thinks they need, but no matter the actual need, INFJ's will always go with the route that is in that person's best interest--not always thinking about long-term consequences. This, though, sets them apart from their sister type (INTJ), and many others. They care, want to care, and want to help you--though not always how you think is best. This is probably because they're psychic. Creeps.

One of the most important signs that you're an INFJ, though, is that you become Extroverted...

when you really care about someone's well-being. I mean, seriously. This isn't random bouts of Extroversion coming out of no where, this is "OhMYGODS You're in emotional peril?! LET'S GO TALK! LET ME HUG YOU! AHHHH I CAN MAKE IT BETTERRRRRR!" (seriously. INFJ's. What's up with that?!) Though, if you're besties with an INFJ, that could be an excellent sign if they break character and suddenly are attacking you, wanting to hear about all your problems. That means that you both are close, and that the INFJ really cares about you (aw...).

That being said: INFJ's! RESTRAIN YOURSELVES!

Butseriously, please do.

What happens after an INFJ unleashes their terror love? Glad you asked!: They go into culture-shock and become a hermit. Okay, maybe not like that, but they feel incredibly drained. So drained, in fact, that on some sites I read this is sometimes mistaken for depression. And that's why it's almost vital for INFJ's to figure out their type! Because guys!!! If you go and attack someone and that's not normally what you do, of course you will go into seclusion to recuperate! And it's not depression! Trust me, according to all sites, it will go away after a while and you can embrace society again. (but if you hadn't done that in the first place then you wouldn't be having this problem, would you?!)

So INFJ's, in a way, are like a weird combination of Extroverts and Introverts. Only, to make an Extrovert out of your INFJ, you have to use this equation:

Love + Friendship = MAGIC!

It's like My Little Pony! Omg!

Anyway, I hope you all learned something about those weirdos wonderful INFJ's. There's a ton lot more I can go into that's factual, but here's my experience with researching INFJ's:

They're honestly kind and really want to help people out, even if they don't think about long term consequences. If I ever come in close-contact with one, I'd probably want pepper-spray on hand/will avoid any/all emotions (but, I'm an INTJ, so that's easy!). INFJ's are something to look up to, though, because if I have a friend who needs to let out their feels, I want to be able to at least direct them to someone who will understand them. I also think that as an INTJ, INFJ's are something that might be vital for my existence as well. While I'm struggling to figure out what I'm feeling, they could probably tell me like I could tell someone the Quadratic formula! And that is a vital tool for me, otherwise, I'd probably be rolling around in my emotions for a long time.

Also, because my reader base seems to be mostly INFJ, I think this also tells me that maybe I need to really let up on the sappy posts. I can't have them crying all the time... Just most of it. ;)

Resources below!

Cheers!
Jenn

PLEASE NOTE: Resources are not ALL verified because Myer-Briggs only covers the basics of a person, not their full entity. While facts are important to me, understanding the diversity as a whole also sparks interest because I'm not judging fact--I'm harshly judging all of the INFJ population on a whole. Also, there is still a lot of controversy, and if someone has an opinion backed up by some fact, it will be taken into account. The stats are non-negotiable, though. Because I averaged them. 

RESOURCES:
http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/72589-ratio-infj-males-females.html
http://www.capt.org/mbti-assessment/estimated-frequencies.htm
http://personalityjunkie.com/the-infj/
http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html
http://www.personalitydesk.com/infj
http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/a/Infj.htm

I'm an Ostrich (Help! Jenn's and INTJ!)

Hi everyone!

So, I've been feeling crummy and all-around sad and I haven't been able to put a finger on it until a weird Google search (c'mon, new information makes me happy) lead me to Ostracism. The idea is that one person for whatever reason is ignored by a majority of people, leaving them to learn the workings of the world by themselves.

Okay, I know, this is going to be a long, winded post, but it's just an explanation. I promise, I don't want to come off as complainy--most of this stuff has already happened, and I don't mourn, I accept facts. Remember: I'm an INTJ. But here's the story of how I actually became one.

It started in 2012, back when I was dating someone and the number of times I had been getting kicked out were increasing, and my all-around happiness was decreasing. I wasn't happy in my relationship, and I knew it--but when you are in a just really bad situation, you don't usually reject those that take you in. But then, I wasn't really happy in general--getting kicked out for reasons I didn't understand were hard. I had PMDD then, and I knew that my anger had something to do with my period, but mom refused to get me checked out, and instead let my anger bother her so much that extremely harsh words were said and people left or got left out in the cold. It was a really, really bad situation that still haunts me today.

Anyway, most of my happiness was me fakin' it like a pro. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun, but mom had told me time and time again that these were our problems and not other people's, and that going to a counselor or talking to someone she had not pre-approved was out of the question (and those pre-approved people usually told my parents absolutely everything afterwards, so they weren't an option). It was a really, really rough time and I still detest the fact that my 'rents wouldn't think that maybe I just needed to go see a doctor or something for help.

But then things went down hill really quickly. My parents went through some rough spots. My boyfriend broke up with me--knowing that at that moment, I needed someone. So badly. My friends didn't call me back, they ignored me, wouldn't talk to me, and once school started--they were rude. I didn't have a clue of what was happening with my life anymore, and I didn't know what was going to happen.

(please note: Faith played a huge part in me still being here, but due to some people I've had the pleasure of speaking with, I actually won't go into that. Mostly because I'm tired of people not listening to me when I say if I did not put all of my trust in God I would have killed myself then I know where my faith stands, please stop doubting me.)

Erm... moving onward, this was a serious time of self-development. It was a time that I got to learn about myself, my real friends, my family--and it was a really hard time. Even going into school, it was still a crazy time of learning about myself.

I don't know what "type" I was before that all happened, but I was out-going, social, I wanted many friends and I liked being apart of a group. I was always busy, my house was a hang-out for all of my girlfriends and our movies were the best. For me, being out-going--and even snotty at times--meant fitting in, and I liked it that way.

But when they left, for whatever reason, leaving me to figure out the pieces--it was hard. Besides my faith, I turned to Pinterest and baking blogs. I made cakes and artwork, I spent my summer earnings on canvases and furniture and paint. I deleted all the negative friends on Facebook and filled it with dancing and positive pages. I read and wrote and kept busy, I worked out until I lost 50lbs. I wasn't "happy"--I was still figuring things out, but I was busy. Being busy gave me no time to think about the breakup or how my life felt out-of-control. Instead, being artsy and changing my room's shape every few days made me happy and like I had total control of my world.

When I got back to school, I realized how time to myself had really changed me. I was cold, studious. I didn't talk to people, I read books and kept to myself. During homecoming week, when there was the collective lunch, I ate by myself at my own table. Granted, I nearly cried, but it was part of what the world was making me--I wasn't outgoing any longer, I was scared of being rejected again and again.

But soon that faded. It faded into fact: These people don't like me, therefore, I've got to find my own people.

And it might be harsh to those that I go to school with--but none of you made an effort to be in a group with me, and all of you shooed me away or gossiped about me behind my back. So yeah, I moved on. I'm always open towards a friendship though--just know that I'm not the girl you might've known before.

But, "my own people" was a challenge. I searched in my ballet class, clubs--everywhere. I couldn't find anyone. Until, of course, I found the internet. And on the internet, there was a great place where people blogged and expressed themselves and could manage what sort of world they thrived in.

I wanted to be a part of that.

So in February, I made a blog. I decided I would stick with it, through thick or thin. Content would be rough some days, but I would learn. I still am. And quickly, I learned that blogging was something that I loved--it kept me busy while others mocked me, it made me happy even though no one really read it. It was the place I could call my own. It was my inspiration to be creative.

And ostracism was what brought me here. Here, one year from all that, a-okay and working. I hope this year is better, if not--I hope I can blog about it. :)

Cheers,
Jenn

Guys, I'm not Doing Well....

Hi everyone!

Besides failing and being totally weirded-out by the new Gmail format, I'm just not doing too well. It's not sickness, it's just... Tired, not tired, tired, just drained in general and I don't know how to kick it. It's been super hard getting myself up. And I'm not thinking this is a typical bout of depression. So, I'm going to be taking a minor break and please excuse my not-so-frequent posting. :/

It's been a really long week. I just need to take a super cold shower, and then maybe I'll feel better.

Anyway, see ya'll Tuesday!

Cheers!
Jenn

Excuse My Creativity

Hi everyone!

This is going to be a weird post, but it's something that I've been thinking about a lot while secretly working on the Fangirl posts. It has to do with something that is encouraged in elementary school, disregarded in middle school, and makes you a laughing stock in high school. It's the one thing that employers are said to love, yet adults think is a joke. It's something that can change a person's life, yet if you dare participate in it, you're made fun of by your peers.

But whoa. Wait. I'm getting ahead of myself--I should at least tell you what it is, shouldn't I?

First, though, a short anecdote.

About a week ago, one of our church friends (he's 18), landed himself in the hospital because his appendix was on the verge of exploding inside of him. Luckily, they caught it before any damage could be made, so he recovered pretty well (as of now, he's happily being busy about his day). But the day after his surgery, our church took a trip to go visit him. It was, like, eight in the morning and had that been me in that room being visited by ten people at eight in the morning I would have killed someone. But he smiled and welcomed us.

Okay, enough about him, this has to do with me 'cause I'm selfish. Well, more of an emotion that I hope this encases.

So, we were standing around making jokes and my sister and her friends grabbed the long list of DVD's you can watch on request. They were reading off titles, and we were laughing at some of the stranger ones, when my sister says: "Oh hey, I wonder if My Little Pony is on here."

She begins looking and they all start joking. Then she asked, "Would it be under My Little Pony?" she rolled her eyes and laughed.

But, being the proud Brony I am, I bluntly stated, "Well, actually, it might be under MLP Friendship is Magic, because the series is titled--"

And then my pastor interrupted me, "Oh Jenn, we're doing this for fun while you're doing this seriously."

And the shame, disregard, and embarrassment that ensued was insane. I felt horrible. I felt like curling up into a ball and dying. Because, well, something that I love had been mocked, but not just that--me, too.

Why is this such a big deal? Well, in the Brony universe, this is actually is a very common thing, and that wasn't the worst that had ever happened. (I've been called some horrible things for being a Brony) But the reason why I wanted to share that with you all is not just because that is recent, but because it has a huge something to do with what I wanted to talk about:

Creativity.

Why are shows like My Little Pony so important? Because it gives kids the ideas to get creative. To go on an adventure with Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. To take care of animals with Fluttershy. To make a dress with Rarity. To laugh and joke and learn how important it is to smile with Pinkie Pie, but learn the importance of hard work with Apple Jack. But most of all, it can teach you how important it is work on friendships.

Even if you're not a Brony, there's so much that you can do being creative that can land you in hot water.  Write a blog? Well, blogging is for losers. Writing a book? Good luck with that, writing's for try-hards and nerds. Live-action-role-playing? Wow, that's for losers with no life. Renaissance Faires? It's called 1-800-get-a-life.

I can go on.

But as I mentioned before--when you're young, people encourage it. People want to see you living it up, using your brain to escape the world. But when you're in high school, it suddenly stops. Pretending, imaging, using your brains for something other than serious social stuff--it's all frowned upon. Being apart of a fandom that no one understands doesn't just make you weird, it also can make you the lowest on the social ladder.

And why does this stop? What on earth is so important that we are discouraged to live our lives without a bit of imagination? Why do teachers even discourage it?

Honestly, we're in such a hurry to grow up that we even bite the heads off of those that don't want to. And even those that "don't want to"--do they really detest growing up, or have they found a safe way of coping? If being creative don't hinder how you interact with people or how you take care of your life and those around you--and instead is something you do on the side--then why is it so bad?

And to those who say it's an unrealistic coping skill, is it really? What's a good coping skill? Talking, counseling, playing sports--things that usually include other people and are physical. So if you're handicapped or have a broken bone or something, sorry, no coping for you! Suffer!

Please, consider. If the world embraced creativity as a whole, wouldn't we just be better off? No, the world doesn't need starving artists all over. But the world also doesn't need people who detest the idea that the unknown isn't at all factual. I speak on behalf of all the dragons and unicorns in the world when I say this: Just because you haven't seen them, doesn't mean they don't exist.

One example I'll leave you with.

Sailor's tales used to say that a giant beast with long tentacles and a wide, glaring eye and sharp, vicious teeth would hunt those who dared to venture into the sea. This beast was known as the Kracken. After a few years, scientists disregarded this completely.

Now, though, they have found a squid that lived up to the "large" side of the sailor's tales--and they believe that bigger is out there. Even though the tall tale was really tall, it still had more fact behind it than scientists could ever believe. And the people that believed in such a beast even before the live footage was made were those that did imagine.

So, don't knock those that happen to embrace the stranger part of life. Not before you're totally aware.

Cheers!
Jenn